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Let’s face it, being a man is pretty great. It’s way better than the alternative. In fact, being a man is so great that a lot of women have started deciding they want to pretend to be men just to try to reap the benefits, but their womanness still puts them at a disadvantage.
To clearly demonstrate why being a man is so great, The Babylon Bee presents the following list:
- The world is your urinal: Peeing while standing up comes in handy when you’re in a hurry or going to the bathroom somewhere you shouldn’t be.
- You have a brain that is three times the size of a woman’s: It’s science.
- It’s culturally acceptable for you to roll up tobacco leaves into a big cylinder, light it on fire, and stick it in your mouth: Mmmmmm cigars.
- You can have an entire conversation with your best friend just by saying “Sup bro?”: Who needs unnecessary conversation?
- Your facial hair is considered attractive: Forget to shave for a couple of days, and suddenly you go from a 6 to a solid 8!
- Your extensive knowledge of all subjects allows you to graciously explain things to women: They need help. Good thing we’re here!
- You can wear the same shirt for 38 years: You don’t have to be a slave to fashion when you have the perfect t-shirt for every occasion.
- You make more money than a woman for doing the same job: Being a man comes with an automatic pay raise.
- You’re biblically allowed to speak in church: Plus, your wives have to do everything you say all the time. We’re pretty sure it’s in the Bible somewhere.
- You have a reduced chance of Joe Biden sniffing you: Not a zero chance, unfortunately, so be careful.
- If you run for president, people will actually vote for you: No glass ceiling here!
- If you want, you can be the world’s strongest woman: Re-write the record books, big guy!
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Meet Carlos Renaldo, Jr. Experts believe he has saved over 3.8 billion lives by heroically wearing a mask alone while in the car. Is he a hero – or a superhero? You decide.